There is no denying, a service dog can and does change the life of its handler. But, why on earth did we think that a service dog was right for our family? This is our story of why.

Why We Chose To Get A Service Dog

Well, the answer is both simple and insanely complex. The simple answer is, we want to provide our son with every opportunity to experience the world to his fullest desires. He is multiply neurodivergent. In some areas, he is light years ahead of developmental timelines.

In others, his neurodivergence keeps him from engaging with the world in the way that he wishes he could. But, lets clear that up a bit so we're all on the same page. By "the way he wishes", I do not mean going to Disney World, a movie theatre, or rock climbing. The thought of that is what nightmares are made of for him. He wishes he could do thinks like... tour Apple Park.... visit his grandparents in Japan.... or spend a day coding alongside the super-hackers fighting for the causes that matter at the NSA. Or, this week, hanging out at MIT to create a proof of the nullity and division by 0 problem. These are the things his dreams are made of.

At ten, it is clear that we are not on a sprint. We are pounding the pavement every day in a marathon. Along with being inspiring, it can feel grueling and overwhelming. The things that make him so unique and wonderful will always be part of him. They are things that are not well understood by the rest of the world. And, we want to honor exactly who he is as he prepares to pursue his dreams.

I recently completed a doctorate focused on the study of neurodivergent individuals. My research created a deep appreciation for the impact of environments on the ability to be at one's best. I also know through lived experience the power of establishing trust and safety, positive relationships, and a sense of belonging.

Experiencing The World As A Neurodivergent Individual

We are a family of neurodivergent individuals and we’re proud of who we are. As adults, we have successful careers and prior to parenthood, we enjoyed traveling the globe and being foodies and living in creative cities and doing, well, all the things. My life journey to all of these experiences below is a post for another day, but suffice it to say it was not an easy path for me.

As parents, we see that the world is not a friendly place for many neurodivergent individuals. In our experience, the world that we know today simply wasn’t built for the folks who are wired just a wee bit different. We understand this more deeply now, ten years into parenting. Our son's experience has many similarities to the difficulties that I had as a child. Now, we appreciate how much environments and relationships of trust factor into regulation. And, even more, just how important regulation and the ability to be oneself is to overall well-being.

Though the environment of safety is well established at home, we find ourselves staying home because being out is hard. Really hard. 

Environments of Safety for Anxiety

When in a state of fight or flight, it is impossible to think clearly, to make decisions, and most definitely it is impossible to learn or work. On the flip side, when one feels safe in the environment and in a relationship of trust, they can be their best selves. When their needs are met… then everything is easier. There is more joy. More positive experiences. More moments in flow doing the things that one loves. 

We created an environment of safety as I homeschooled our son and tailored his experience to his needs every day. He thrives in this environment we have created. But, he is smarter than us. He has bigger dreams than we can provide for him at home. As he enters middle school, the environment of safety we’ve created within our four walls is not big enough for his growth. Yet, we don't want that to limit his potential. We want him to feel safe in the world beyond home.

Since we can’t change the world, we want to give him as much control as possible of the environment around him. Just like Jeremy was a grounding force for me that unlocked my ability to experience more of the world by providing an environment of safety wherever our travels took us (yes he even supported me taking an ENTIRE SUITCASE of my three safe foods with us to Japan), we believe a service dog will help to take a piece of our son's safe environment with him wherever his dreams lead.

Relationships of Trust & Safety for Twice-Exceptional Students

In addition to feeling safe in the environment, one also needs to have relationships of trust and safety with others. These relationships are the foundation of social connection, a sense of belonging, and ultimately regulation.

We have a relationship of trust and safety with our son. He feels confident in advocating for his needs, knows that his emotions can be freely expressed with us, and that he is safe to be who he is at all times around us. He does not need to mask when with us. We understand him and we appreciate every cell of him.

Over the years, as mom and homeschool teacher, I have instinctively provided co-regulation for him. I have an uncanny ability to detect his early signs of rising anxiety, moments of freeze the instant he is triggered, hypoglycemic lows, and can in a single glance recognize a need for co-regulation. We are a team and we are not scared to walk this marathon together. Collaboratively, he has discovered strategies that align with his needs and now help him to self-regulate more and more.

But, we all need someone to trust. As the teenage years loom before us, I know that someone can not only be me.

We believe that a service dog can intuitively detect the changes in regulation for him, can provide him with a companion that is always by his side that interrupts his thinking when necessary and provides opportunities to co-regulate wherever they may be. And, when necessary, a service dog can provide a great reminder to take the time for self-care.

A service dog can be the relationship of trust for him that provides him with the confidence to pursue his dreams.

Service Dog Tasks

We believe that a psychiatric service dog, specifically one trained for detecting anxiety and supporting PTSD will be a life-changing experience for our son. His service dog will provide grounding in public environments, alert to rising anxiety levels, interrupts, and offer sensory regulation through deep pressure.

Little Millie is already showing an instinctive interest in his changing regulation levels. And, when in public environments, we see that as the pair practices “home”, he feels safe to exist in the world with her calming presence in reach.

With her there to support him, he will feel more free to pursue his strengths, wherever they may take him.